He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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