We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
