also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
