Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
