I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
