Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
