You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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