All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
