His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
