I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
