____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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