I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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