if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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