I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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