his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
