Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
