why didn't you poke me back
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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