You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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