I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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