Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
