even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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