I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
