Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
