Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
