finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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