I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
