So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
