so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
