Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
