she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
