dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
