No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
no. you can't hotbox the world.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
