I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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