i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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