This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
