our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
