she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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