I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
