Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
