he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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