my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
