My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
