i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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