Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
