I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
