I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
