I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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