Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
