i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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