YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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