you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
