part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
