It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
