well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
foreskin is a definite game changer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
