Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
