My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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