is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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