hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
