I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You ate ashes out of my bong
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
