I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
