i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ttyl tear gas
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
