What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
