you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
