Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
