She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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